What should I send for shiva instead of flowers?
The Short Answer
In Jewish tradition, flowers are generally not sent to a funeral or shiva. The customary and welcome gesture is a kosher-appropriate food basket or a meal sent to the mourning household, along with a donation in the deceased's memory to a charity the family names.
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Why flowers are usually not the custom
Jewish funeral and mourning traditions emphasize simplicity and equality in death, and flowers are typically not part of the observance. During shiva, the seven-day mourning period after burial, the community's role is to care for the grieving family so they can focus entirely on mourning. Sending flowers can feel out of place in this context. Rather than a floral tribute, the tradition calls for practical, nourishing support, which is why food and charitable giving have long been the meaningful ways to show you care.
Food is the meaningful gesture
Because mourners sitting shiva do not cook or host in the usual way, feeding them and their many visitors is a genuine kindness. A shiva basket or a delivered meal is the classic, welcome choice. If the family keeps kosher, be sure the food is certified kosher, many providers specialize in kosher shiva baskets and platters. Baskets of fruit, pastries, nuts, and other shareable foods are common. When you are unsure of the family's level of observance, a certified kosher option is always the safe, respectful path.
Donations and other support
A charitable donation in the deceased's memory is deeply valued in Jewish tradition, tzedakah, or charitable giving, is considered a fitting way to honor a life. Families often name a specific cause, and following that guidance is ideal. Beyond food and donations, simply showing up during shiva to offer quiet presence and comfort is one of the most meaningful things you can do. If you feel strongly about sending something living, wait until after shiva and ask the family, though food and charity remain the most respectful choices.
Planning Tips From Our Designers
- Flowers are generally not sent for Jewish funerals or shiva.
- Send a shiva food basket or a meal to the mourning home.
- Choose certified kosher food if the family keeps kosher.
- Make a charitable donation in the deceased's memory.
- Your quiet presence during shiva is deeply meaningful.
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